10 Crazy Tavern Patrons for Fantasy RPG

Spread the love, gain +42 xp!

More Random Tavern Patrons for your fantasy tabletop RPG like D&D or Pathfinder. Roll 1d10 to find a random NPC for players to talk to in a tavern.

  • Mad Eyes Mabel: Female Gnome Illusionist.
  • Drunkard Filmore: Male Human.
  • The Vomit Twins: Female Elf and Female Minotaur.
  • Lantern Jack: Male Human Rogue.
  • Cosmo: Male Halfling Bard.
  • Amelia: Female Human Witch.
  • Sundro: Male Human Wizard.
  • Heirloom: Male Human Wizard.
  • Coleman the Cursed: Male Human Baker.
  • Great John the Fourth: Male Human Fishmonger.

1) Mad Eyes Mabel: Female Gnome Illusionist.

Me-Mabel, as she’s known, is quite mad in every sense of the word. She is a small female gnome who wears a loose and ragged black robe and a black and white striped sack over her head. She carries a gnarled wooden staff with a large pink crystal embedded on top. She constantly talks to herself, and constantly blinks her cloudy green eyes as she fiddles with the end of her staff.

Her loose fitting clothes do not hide the fact that she is quite ugly. Despite this, she seems content with her lot in life. She carries a warped black hand mirror that seems to reflect only the darkest parts of the room.

When players first encounter her, she will be chanting something to herself. As the players listen to her speech, they will notice that she is actually saying compliments about herself in a strange language.

When approached, she will immediately stop her chanting, but will say “Hello friends. I see that you are new to town. I am Me-Mabel, and I am just so very pleased to meet new people. Please don’t be shy. Come have a drink with me, and we can talk about anything you like.”

If players purchase a drink for her, she will welcome them and promise to repay them “in kind” at a later date.

If players do not, she will be quite offended, but will continue to try to wrangle them in.

She currently owes debts to 12 other patrons in this tavern, and hopes they will convince the players to buy her a drink.

2) Drunkard Filmore: Male Human.

Filmore is an overweight, middle-aged human who is balding and missing his right eye. He is wearing a brown poncho, a set of brown pants with a brown belt, and a ragged pair of brown boots.

He also has a black, ratty backpack strapped to his back. When the players first see him, he will have a tankard in one hand and a flask in the other. He will also be visibly drunk and oblivious to his surroundings. He may even sway and stumble while sitting in his chair.

If players approach and engage him in any sort of dialogue, he will stare at them for a long while and then exclaim: “Hey, I know you! You’re those heroes who just saved those people from those monsters! How about that?! You’re great! You’re the best! I want to buy you a drink!”

He will then push an empty mug towards them and continue: “Here, take this. I’m Filmore. Nice to meet you. Drink up.”

3) The Vomit Twins: Female Elf and Female Minotaur.

The Vomit Twins are two humanoids who have been magically changed so that they look and sound exactly the same. They are both tall and thin, and they have brown hair and golden eyes. They both wear a golden amulet on their neck that is shaped like a stomach.

If any players approach them, they will both yell in unison: “We’re both really sorry about the smell. We just ate too much, that’s all. Ugh. But hey, look at us! We’re twins!”

“Yeah, we’re fraternal twins. That’s right. It’s just us, no other family. We grew up together. You should see our baby pictures. We were so cute.”

“They still hang in our room at home, in our parent’s basement. We kind of like that place. It’s like a bunker. We like bunkers. Yes we do.”

“We don’t usually eat so much, but the food here is so good. We really feel bad about the smell though.”

4) Lantern Jack: Male Human Rogue.

Jack is a young, short, and thin human with short brown hair and brown eyes. He wears a dull red tunic that is far too large for him, and a leather pouch made from the same material strapped to his waist. His boots are made from wolf’s hide.

He is constantly carrying around an old lantern that he found in an alleyway, and he will shine it in the players’ faces when they get close enough.

When players get close enough to him, he will say: “Oh, you’re new to town! I’m Jack. Welcome to the City of Lanterns! I guess you’re probably looking for some good places to go, eh? Well, I can tell you that this tavern has the best food in the city!” Lantern Jack gets a copper coin for each person he attracts to the Raving Lunatic tavern.

As a result, he’s really insistent that players go there and eat. If players do go and eat there, he will say: “Great! You made the right choice. I’ll see you around.”

If players don’t, he will instead say: “You’re just going to go somewhere else? Come on! It’s the best food in the city! You don’t want to miss out on the best food in the city, do you? You don’t want to miss out, right? Besides, it’s right over here. Why wouldn’t you go?”

If players go to the tavern, they will see him later that day or night (next time they are there), and he will be drinking it up.

5) Cosmo: Male Halfling Bard.

Cosmo is a young, short, and fat halfling who has short, sandy brown hair and black eyes. He wears a tattered brown tunic, a belt made of rope, and an old, stained brown cape. If the players approach, he will play a merry tune on his mandolin and say: “Hello there! I’m Cosmo! Don’t be shy! Come over here and have a drink with me! I’ll play a tune for you! You’ll love it!”

If the players approach and engage him in any sort of dialogue, he will say: “You know, I was a fool! I was a fool for going out to fight those goblins by myself! I mean, we all know that goblins are tough, but I knew they wouldn’t be tough enough to kill me. I was so wrong, though. I think ten of them jumped me all at once and tried to take me down. I did take a few of them down, and I did get a lot of them back, but I didn’t make it out of there. Here I am, now! I’m glad to still be alive! Did you know that I used to be a guard for the King? I was the King’s personal guard, as a matter of fact! You know, his Royal Guard? I had to leave my post when the King was overthrown by the revolutionaries, though. I wanted to fight against them, but I couldn’t. I don’t think it’s my place to pick up arms against the King. I don’t think it’s my place to pick up arms against anyone. I’m not a fighter, though. I’m a Bard. My music is my weapon.”

If any of the party members are a bard, Cosmo will declare a Bard-off – something he made up. It’s basically a musical competition to see who can play the best song. If no one in the party is a Bard, he will concede and just go back to drinking.

If someone is a Bard and they compete with him, the winner will get 1d10 gold pieces and the loser will get nothing. Cosmo will also buy drinks for any bards in the party. He’s a cool halfling.

6) Amelia: Female Human Witch.

Amelia is a young, short, and thin human with long, dark brown hair and dark brown eyes. She wears a black robe with a black cowl over it. She also wears black boots. She has her staff with her at all times.

If players approach, she will cast a spell on them and say: “Who do I see? Who do I meet? Could it be… could it be… friends!?”

If players approach, speak with her, and ask who she is, she will say: “I’m Amelia. You can call me Amy. I’m the town Witch! That’s right! I know all the secrets of the town. I know where all the hidden treasure is, I know how many guards are on-duty at the city gates, where the good shops are, where the best taverns are, where the best inns are, where the best brothels are, where the best tax collectors are, where the best…”

If the players ask Amelia to cast a spell for any reason, she will ask for 1d10 gold pieces. If they pay it, she will ask for another 1d10 gold pieces when the spell is cast. If they don’t have that much money, she will back down. If they do have that much money, she will cast the spell.

If anyone tries to rob her, she will summon 1d12+1 CR 3 Monks and attack. If she is robbed, she will run away and cause a distraction. She has no money on her, but she has her staff and will use it to attack. She will fight until her last breath.

7) Sundro: Male Human Wizard.

Sundro is a young, tall, and thin human with long blonde hair and blue eyes. He wears brown pants and a brown shirt. He holds a staff with a candle on top of it. If approached, he will greet them and say: “Hello, strangers! I am Sundro, and I am a Wizard of mighty mystical power! If you help me, I will grant you any one wish you could possibly imagine!”

If players ask him for something, he will tell them that he requires 1d10 gold pieces for each thing he grants them. If the players don’t have enough money, he will instead ask them to do a quest for him or do some work for him. If the players accept the quest or work, he will then tell them that he will grant them their wish after the quest or work is done.

In actuality, he knows very little magic and he isn’t a Wizard. He is just a down on his luck guy who’s trying to survive. If the players show any signs of distrust or disbelief, he will say: “You don’t believe me? No, I’m sure you don’t. You think I’m just a fraud, don’t you? You think I’m just a con-artist. You think I’m just a fraud and you don’t want anything to do with me, don’t you? But… I AM a Wizard. I AM a Wizard of mighty mystical powers! If you help me, I will grant you any one wish you could possibly imagine!”

If players start to become violent, he will use a magic wand to create a human illusion of a samurai. He will do this for two combat rounds and then run away.

8) Heirloom: Male Human Wizard.

Heirloom is a young, tall, and thin human with long, brown hair and brown eyes. He wears a brown robe. He also wears a leather belt and a pair of brown pants. If players approach, he will say: “Hello! I’m Heirloom, Wizard Extraordinaire!”

If players laugh, he will become defensive and say: “What’s so funny? I’m a Wizard, aren’t I? I use my wand to cast powerful magic! I can charge into battle with my mighty staff of might and smash my enemies! I can create illusions to trick my enemies! I will even summon powerful elementals to fight on my behalf! I’m a Wizard!”

If players ask who he is, he will say: “My name is Heirloom. I’m a Wizard. A powerful Wizard, in fact. If you have any questions, I’m the guy to answer them.”

If players ask for something for nothing, he will say: “I know, right? If I’m such a powerful Wizard, why would I offer anything for free? I’m not a fool! It takes a lot of time and effort to become powerful, but that’s exactly what I accomplished! I’m the most powerful Wizard you’ll ever meet! If you want something, you’ll have to pay for it! Sure, I could just give you stuff, but I’m not a charity! What kind of Wizard would I be? A charity Wizard? That’s so pathetic! See, I know it’s hard on the streets, so I’m willing to work with people on projects. I can make sure everything goes right. I’ll guarantee you’ll succeed!”

If players show any signs of distrust or disbelief, he will say: “You don’t believe me? No, I’m sure you don’t. Silly, stupid people.”

He will then storm off to the bar and buy three shots of firewater which he will down one after the other. He will then sit there and drown himself in alcohol for the rest of the day. The next day, he will be sober and extremely hung over and irritable.

9) Coleman the Cursed: Male Human Baker.

Coleman is an odd man in many ways. For one thing, his face is always covered in flour, even though he is not currently baking anything. He was cursed by a mad wizard two years previously. It’s a hell of a story he will tell but only if players ply him with drinks. If they catch his hints and buy him drinks, he will tell the tell of his curse.

“I got cursed with always being covered in flour. It was a terrible day. I was baking a cake for a woman I met at a tavern. Then, a wizard walked in and asked me to bake a cake for his wife’s birthday. I said I could do it, but the wizard insisted I could do a better job. I told him I never back down to a challenge and then I put a curse on him that would make him a toad. He was a terrible wizard! He could never back down from a challenge! Unfortunately, the curse was strong and it affected me as well. I was turned into a man covered in flour. Now I’m always covered in flour. I tried to find a way to break the curse, but I wasn’t successful. I eventually gave up trying and I decided I would just live my life as a baker. So, I opened up an actual bakery and now I bake all day. It’s not so bad. I’m not sure if I would roll over and die if I had the chance to break the curse, though. I’m not sure I would.”

If players ask him about the wizard, he will shrug and say: “I just never ran into him again after that day. I’m not sure what happened to him.” If the players ask about the cake he made for the wizard’s wife, he will say: “Oh, yeah. That was the best cake I ever made. I remember it fondly.”

If the players ask him about the cake, he will sigh and say: “I can’t get the memory of her smile out of my mind.” He will continue to talk about the cake until the players get bored of it.

10) Great John the Fourth: Male Human Fishmonger.

Great John the Fourth is a man with a beard. He wears a white shirt, a wool coat, and leather pants. He carries a large sack with him. If players approach, he will extend his hand and say: “Hello, there! What can I do for you, today?”

If players ask who he is, he will say: “I’m Great John the Fourth, I’m the best fishmonger you’ll ever meet. If you’re looking for some exotic game, I’ve got it! If you’re looking for some mouth-watering fish or seafood, I’ve got it! I got plenty of fresh exotic meats. Oh, and don’t forget about my seafood! I’ve got some fishing vessels that go out everyday and bring back the finest seafood. What can I do for you, today? You got some money to spend?”

If the players do not have any money, he will snap his fingers and yell: “WAITER! GIVE THESE PEOPLE A LOG OF PORK!” He will then eat the entire log of pork himself.

If the players have money, he will say: “Oh, you have money! That’s great. Great. Let me go grab some of my best stuff for you. No, wait, don’t go anywhere! I’ll be right back!” He will then wander off into the woods behind his stand. When he comes back, he will have three different types of fish in his sack. He will then say: “Here you go, enjoy!”

If players ask him about anything else, he will respond: “I’m the best fishmonger in the world. I’m proud of it. That’s all you need to know.”